Weekend Project: Mommy Guilt

I know every mom struggles with Mommy Guilt.  I wrestle with feelings of guilt more often than I'd like to admit, but I also think I do a good job of sorting out the justified guilt and the unjustified guilt.  Joe helps me ditch the unjustified guilt all the time and even the justified guilt he tells me is in error, because he's a really amazing husband!!  {I really don't know how I could ever do this life without him!}
So, what am I talking about?  Justified versus unjustified Mommy Guilt?  I think that some times there is justified guilt, like when I have guilt for wasting time online instead of doing other needed things with and for my kids.  Or like when I worry that my kids see me as a hypocrite because I lose my temper and yell at my husband when I tell them all the time not to fight and not to yell at each other, yeah painful.  This kind of guilt is good though because is causes me to do something to change my behavior or my focus.  It causes me to have self control with my online time, apologize to my kids for fighting with their daddy, to realize I need to work on something about my self or my parenting and do something differently.
Then there is unjustified Mommy Guilt, like feeling guilty for not accomplishing more in my day when I am doing my very best.  Or feeling guilty because my desk is piled high and has been for months, or feeling guilty that my kids wore their pajamas all day long, or that they only had one bath this week, or that my closets are a mess and my house is unorganized, or that Bethany and Joseph can't tie their shoes yet, or that I'm pregnant and unable to give the rest of my kids enough more energy, or...you understand, the list can get very long.  That kind of guilt is unjustified, because I am doing so many other things that are more important, like teaching the Bethany how to multiply and Joseph how to read and Jenna how to count and Brady how to communicate, I am taking time to discipline them when needed and listen to them about silly things and important things.  No, my house isn't organized and currently we have way too much stuff that needs to go, but our home is clean and a safe place, and this is life, our life.  The days are full and busy and the kids are messy.  I am pregnant and not as productive as I'd like to be, but I am pregnant and the sacrifices we all make for these 9 months are so worth it.
One thing that wasn't on my full page to-do-before-the-baby-arrives-list, but I've had some guilt over is making Bethany a doll.  On Jenna's first birthday I made her a doll and ever since, very occasionally Bethany has asked me to make her a doll.  It's just never worked and with another baby on the way I felt like I needed to go ahead and make her a doll.  I also wanted to do something for her, for no reason, other than I love her and am so proud of her and am so thankful for all she does to help me.

 Bethany is a really amazing daughter, she has a very independent way and is mature for only being 7.  It's easy for me to expect alot from her and not really appreciate all of her efforts.  I have to be careful or I will overlook opportunities to verbally thank her, praise her or affectionately love her.  She needs encouragement and needs to be pursued but never really ask for what she needs.  Joe does a very good job focusing in on Bethany and making time to ask her questions and love on her.  He reminds me that we have to seek to fulfill her needs, she isn't a child that demands what she wants from us. 
For several months now, I have wanted to do something special to acknowledge her uniqueness and the gift she is to me.  I guess, I have had some justified guilt about how I need to show her how special she is and I needed to make her a doll as well.  The great thing about it is, I took time to do something about both of those things this weekend.

 I came across this photo and fell in love with the doll pattern that wasn't available on Etsy.  I emailed the seller but was too eager to wait for a response so I decided to free hand a pattern.  I am not good at this sort of thing and normally wouldn't even try it but I REALLY loved this doll.  In the end, the doll turned out bigger than I wanted and has obvious differences.  I still love the original doll better, although Bethany, after I showed her the picture, told me she liked her doll much better! :)  I also, realized via reading the info on the Etsy site that the seller has a website and I could've in fact bought it all along. :(  I will also pass on that there is a sale going on through today for 40% off all of Bit of Whimsy Dolls patterns making them $6.00!  I'm not getting anything for sharing this with you, I just think they have some of the cutest patterns I've ever seen.
And speaking of cutest things I've ever seen, is this girl!

I hope you're encouraged to sort through your Mommy Guilt.  If it's unjustified, let it go and don't worry that your parenting isn't like some one else's.  If it's justified, I hope you'll join me in doing something about it.

Found~Light

Psalm 119:105 

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.

A whirlwind post

BradyBoy is 15 months old today!  This boy brings us so much joy, we all adore him and dote on him endlessly.  Joe and I were talking the other day about how all of our kids had very distinct characteristics at this age and they are still very true of their personalities now.  Brady's two most distinct traits right now, that stand out from all the other normal 15 month old traits, would have to be how happy he is and how much he loves to clean.

 He has always been easy going and his face isn't big enough for his smile.  Lately, he has started loving to wipe things like the floor, furniture and his highchair tray with anything that will serve as a rag or wipe. {The other day he was using a random pair of underwear from the laundry pile.}  He picks things up off the floor and brings them to me.
Recently, he has started to follow simple commands, like to bring me a diaper or shut the door.  He likes to feel like he helps us even though he makes more messes than I can pick up in 10 minutes.
He obviously doesn't understand that toilets are unclean because if a bathroom door is ajar, he WILL play in the toilet.  While my niece was here last weekend, I found them both playing in the toilet, covered in water, both of their heads soaking wet.  I should have taken a picture but I couldn't get them in the tub fast enough.
He also loves to have his hair brushed and brings me a brush several times a day signing for me to brush his hair.  He likes to pray, several weeks ago, out of the blue he started folding his hands to pray over pretend food from the play kitchen and now he does it many times a meal.  We never worked on this, he just picked it up from watching us.

In the above picture he is signing more, and below he is rubbing his belly with both hands signing please.

 He signs many signs. Mamma, Sissy, phone, book, bird, tree, light, night-night, paci, more, please, all done, milk, bath, and brush are all that I can think of right now.  He is starting to learn animal sounds, so far, dog, monkey and duck.
His two words are Da-da and Nana.  He is obsessed with bananas right now.

We had a lone fly flying around the house today.  Joseph climbed up on the cabinets to get two fly swatters off the top of the fridge.  Later, he had a piece of bread in the middle of the kitchen floor, slapping it with the fly swatter.  Bethany and he were going to wait out his invention of a trap and when the fly came to land on the bread slice, they would kill it.  I realized what was going a little too late, after they had already beat the bread to death with dirty fly swatters, I informed them to please throw the bread outside and DO NOT put it back into the bread bag!!
Jenna was disappointed there weren't three fly swatters and she had to wait for a turn, she called it a nas-nadder.  She has said many funny things lately, like the other night she drew my dad a picture and told him to keep it in a special place, like in his nail polish drawer!  She referred to the screen in the van that displays the temperature outside as a nom-iner, we figured out she was trying to call it a monitor.
Little Monkey is well and growing.  My ultrasound went great, the baby is estimated to weigh 4lbs 2 oz.  The ultrasound tech did great at keeping the big secret and didn't even look for herself so she wouldn't risk spoiling the surprise. Eight weeks or so to go!  I'm so excited about everything, finding out if it's a boy or girl and getting to hold this little one, so much to look forward to.  At the same time, I'm trying not to focus on the end yet and enjoy these last weeks with just four children and especially Brady being the baby.

Have you seen the commercial for KFC's new chunky pot pie?  Maybe it's a pregnancy thing, because I'm normally not influenced by food on TV.  I saw it one time and had to make chicken pot pies for supper the next night.  They were SO yummy, it had been forever since I made chicken pot pie.

 I've been craving many things lately, mostly sweet things and I love to bake so I bake and can get away with eating small amounts here and there.  The belly is growing bigger and bigger, I definitely can't see my feet anymore and I have to lean over to see Brady beneath it when he is pulling at my legs for me to pick him up.

The weather has been crazy, cold and warm and scary.  Two days last week we hid in my parents basement, had tornadoes in our town and devastating tornadoes in our state.  It's very sad to see so much destruction of homes and lives.  We are thankful for our safety and continue to pray for those who have lost so much.

These are my little hobo's that have gone out to play on the sun shiny days.  Some days they have had to wear coats and boots and some days they wore flip flops and shorts.  We have soccer evaluations starting this weekend, not sure how this season will play out with a baby arriving right in the middle of it, but we'll make the most of whatever we're able to work in.  Bethany and Joseph are happy to get to play again, we all enjoyed it last year.

I am being summoned to an UNO game!  So long for now, have a good week!!

Pregnancy and weekend update

We are all well again, and life has been busy this past week. I'm tired but I think this is just my normal mode now.  Sometimes I seriously worry that I'm just lazy, but I know it's so much easier to pick things up off the floor when my belly isn't the size of {2} basketballs.  I tell myself, "This won't last forever." but it feels like I've been lazy alot over the past 7 years, battling a thyroid problem, mono and 5 pregnancies, sometimes I wonder what it's like to not get acclimated to a new routine only to disrupt it with a life changing event or addition.
Will I ever be able to organize my house like I'd like to, to be able to finish up projects that aren't practical or I'm not physically able to do during pregnancy or have the time to invest with a nursing baby?  It's been the same waiting game on much of my to-do list, waiting for a better time, when I feel well enough...  I suppose everyone deals with the same balancing act and trying to fit things into their busy life, I guess I'm just feeling the need to really get a grip on some clutter and projects before Little Monkey gets here.  The countdown seemed to set in today and I am urgently feeling the rush to make a lengthy must-do list and start chipping away at it.
I was 30 weeks pregnant on Sunday, I have always gone on my own or been induced 7-10 days prior to my due date and I feel certain that will be the case again this time.  So, I've 9 weeks left to get my act together! :)  9 weeks of a belly getting bigger and my body becoming more fatigued.
I had a check up yesterday and all is going well with my pregnancy.  Little Monkey is very active, all the time now, which I love.  I have had to start taking Zantac daily because my heartburn was so bad and Tums weren't good for my blood sugar, nor were they helping much.  I have gained 8 pounds, although I feel like I I've gained 50!!  Braxton Hicks are a daily happening still.
I have an ultrasound tomorrow to monitor the baby's growth due to my gestational diabetes.  We are excited to get a peek at Little Monkey but will not be finding out if it's a boy or girl. I'm praying the tech won't spoil anything, I so do not want to find out yet.
Last Friday, my brother and sister in law had their second little one, another girl.  I don't have any pictures of her yet, but we had the fun task of keeping my niece Maddie all weekend and I do have lots of pictures of her.  Maddie is 2 and she and Jenna get along really well.  Jenna loves having Maddie around and the two of them played and played.

We all enjoyed having Maddie around and getting to spend so much time with her.  She is very sweet.

Sunshine

LOVE this girl!! She is beautiful inside and out, Bethany I love you!!

It's a beautiful day today!!  Spring is definitely in the Kentucky air, although I'm still a tiny bit bitter that winter didn't give us a single snow day.  I am glad that Joe's summer won't be cut short with make up snow days and he'll be getting off for summer break within days of Little Monkey arriving.
The sunshine is pure warmth and it felt good shining on our faces as we had lunch on a blanket in the backyard.  Hoping the extra Vitamin D will help completely end our lingering colds.

Brady made me smile as he explored the backyard on foot, the first time ever to walk across grass.  I love to watch my kids light up as they discover new places and especially God's creation.  {If you're in the mood for a flashback, this picture of Brady made me think of the one posted of Jenna here.} 

A few life moments

There are so many other things I need to be doing other than blogging...but at the moment almost everything I do causes me to have very painful Braxton Hicks...so I'm taking a rest and turning my head to the toys on the floor, the dishes in the sink, the table with lunch left-overs, the beds unmade, the sticky peanut butter and jelly faces and fingers roaming the house and the pile of my dirty clothes that has needed washing for several days.
Braxton Hicks have been an unignorable, annoying presence several times each day over the past few days, and especially nights.  I just want to crawl into a fetal position and go to sleep to get rid of them.  My bad cold from last week turned out to be strep and ever since starting my antibiotic on Saturday night, I haven't felt as great as I think I should be feeling by now.  I've been having indigestion and headaches everyday and am just really wiped out, miserable and I can't quite figure out why.  I've been resting and I'm tired of resting and still feeling like blah.
We enjoyed a long weekend, even if it did include the kids all coming down with mine and Joe's cold, me making a trip to an urgentcare on Saturday to find out I had strep and having to take Bethany and Brady to urgentcare on Sunday to find out they both had ear infections. 
Joe and I had a long day date on Friday, we went shopping, ate Chinese food, drank coffee and had a fun time, again despite me being miserably sick.  I thought if I forced myself out of the house and away from the kids, I might really be more well than I realized but that wasn't the case.

 It was so fun to have an entire day with Joe and without kids.  It had been a long time coming.

The kids all seem to be getting better this week and I don't think any of them caught strep from me, which is awesome!!
Brady is walking everywhere now and we can't stop remarking about how cute he is to watch waddling around the house, jabbering on his play phone.  He is always signing "Mamma" for my mom and I guess he is pretending to talk to her on the phone.
Joseph and Bethany as excited to sign-up for spring soccer, I'm eager for them to participate, they had so much fun last year and enjoyed the program immensely.  My only concern is that I will be having this Little Monkey right in the middle of their season and I really wish the two didn't collide.  This soccer program only offers spring soccer so if we don't play now, they wouldn't get to play until next year.  Joe and I decided that we will do what we can and if we have to miss games, we miss games, we will just do what works and be as much apart of soccer season as life allows. 
The kids and I are faithfully marking school days off the calendar, I'm hoping to finish up our year before Little Monkey arrives, but it will be close.  I'm proud of Bethany and Joseph, they are doing well in school.  Joseph excels in math right now and Bethany in reading.  Joseph is often helping Bethany with her math problems and that is good motivation for both of them.  Today Jenna learned how to make draw rainbows, something she watched on Max and Ruby, and went through page after page of paper coloring rainbows.
Here are a few of captured life moments this week...
Jenna happy with her freshly painted finger and toe nails.  After seeing how pleased this made her, and how much she loved the extra attention I wondered why I don't do this more often.

 Bethany with wet hair and clean pajamas and painted nails.  She is getting so big and I'm always having to readjust my parenting to be at her level.

 I woke up to all four of the kids playing Lego's yesterday.

 Lego gifts at breakfast, Jenna made me a maze.

  We're reading Dog Jack.

Joseph patiently tried to play this addition and subtraction game with Jenna, quite the challenge when she has no desire to count to ten correctly most days.  He kept trying to help her answer the correct response by saying, "Jenna, ten minus two. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, ....  What comes next, seven...?"  Then, Jenna would say, "Fourteen!"

Brady and Jenna are the newest duo, not always seeing eye to eye, Brady came fully ready to fight for what's his in this world!  So far, Jenna is shocked at his boldness to stand against her and it seems to be working for him.

 Brady's newest interest books.  He signs books and likes making animal sounds, doggy is his favorite.  Joe gave him a stuffed dog for Valentine's Day and he likes him.  I put him to bed for his morning nap and the dog wasn't in his crib, Brady made his doggy, "arf" sound, I think he was asking for him. 

The Braxton Hicks have calmed down now, so I better go tend to what and who need tending.  Happy Wednesday, hope it's a great one!

Love and learning

Hello friends,
It's been a bit since I sat here to really blog about what's been going on.  I've had alot on my mind and usually when that is the case not much gets typed out here.  Pregnancy-wise I have good days and not-as-good days, but I'm learning through the days of struggle.  And I cherish the lessons I'm learning, I cherish the coming to the end of myself and my strength, because that is when I truly find Christ and see Him for who He is and all that offers me.
I'm learning to focus on what's most important on my to-do list {e.g. school, feeding the kids, meeting the needs that present themselves day after day.} I'm learning to focus on living the life God has called me to live and not someone else to live.  I'm learning to be less defensive and keep my mouth shut, to think before I speak, to question if I'm saying something to be self-promoting or encouraging to someone else.  Over the past 6 months or more, I've realized my habit to defend myself, either in face to face conversations or via this blog.  So much of what I do and why I do it really doesn't matter to anyone else, I am at a place where I really don't see the need to promote my life's agenda or sell it to anyone else, I just want to live my life and let it speak for itself.  Prayfully, it will speak of God's power and grace, His plan for my life and reflect Him.
That is a large goal to attain and without seeking Him and fully relying on Him for wisdom and strength, I will fail.

{Brady just came over to me and laid his head on  my leg, like he does 20-30 times a day.  I love him so much and I'm soak him up as my baby.  It's little bittersweet that he won't be the sole baby around the house in a couple of months, but I also know how little he'll mind it.  He loves babies right now and every time he sees a picture or a real baby he excitedly signs. "baby" and tries to love on it.}

He's walking, from one thing to the next, but longer distances  of 10-15 steps at a time.

The girls have been celebrating Valentine's all week, it's still Bethany's favorite holiday.  Jenna and she have been wearing pink and purple with tiaras everyday.  She couldn't sleep the night before we celebrated because she was too excited about what Joe was going to give her.  Joe is just as excited to bring her something special and watch her light up.
Joe and I started out the week with a really bad cold and I am still miserable.  So far, the kids are all well, I'm so thankful I've gotten to be sick while they are well, because I've been very wiped out.  On the 14th, Joe and I woke up to our heat not working.  In the end, we had to pay a hefty bill to replace a part, but in the grand scheme of things, it wasn't as bad as it could've been and God had just provided us with money to pay for the repair only days prior.  It certainly wasn't how I hoped to spend the money but nevertheless, God provided for a need and I am so grateful for His provisions.
So, our Valentine's was spent at my parents warm house, waiting on the repairman and in the end we celebrated a meal with my parents and sister that the kids helped cook.  They also made Valentine's and decorated.

Yesterday, we had our own Valentine's Day which we had planned on doing prior to the 14th being such busy day full of a cold house and Joe and I being sick. This year we decided to celebrate Valentine's Day on the 15th, the reason being to spend less and really focus on the fact that telling others you love them can be done any day of year.

We shared a special supper of spaghetti, with red sushi ti drink in goblets and for desert we had red velvet cake.

 The kids eagerly waiting to see what Joe brought home...

 I think the pictures speak for themselves, everyone was very happy and grateful for the lavish love Joe brought home..

In other news, Joseph lost his first tooth on Sunday.  Joe pulled it and despite the screaming that sounded like he was being murdered, Joseph said it didn't even hurt.  Go figure!?  We made a special trip to the grocery for ice cream and Joseph picked out Cookies n' Cream.

 I bought a new camera lens, at a local pawn shop for $20!! While trying to decide if I should make the drive to closest major city to by a new used for $125 or order one off the Internet for $100 but have to wait several weeks for it to arrive, I thought to call local pawn shops.  Only one shop had this one lens, the one I needed.  The lady said it had been there forever and she agreed to take less than the asking price when I showed her a worn seal on the back of the lens.  I brought it home and switched out the seal from my broken lens and it seems to be working just fine.  This has been another blessing that God has provided for me and it has meant so much to know that He cares about the things that are so important to me.
Brady is no longer loving on me, he's crying for some breakfast so I must go start this day. There is always so much more I'd like to get in here, but time does not allow.