Monday, December 1, 2008

Good news, yet still confused

1 Timothy 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

I had been anticipating and anxiously awaiting today for over a week now. I couldn't wait to find out the results of my MRI. As the final hours ticked away last night, I began to feel really nervous, rather than excited to find out if anything was on my pituitary. I thought I had mentally prepared myself. As time crept closer and closer, I realized I wasn't so okay with the possibility of brain surgery.
When I arrived, all I was really focusing on was getting through my IV. I have had 3 IVs in the past, all with the births of the babies. All 3 disastrous, I'm talking worse than the epidural itself. I am always hard to get an IV into. Every time, I have had two black and blue arms, and once ended up with an IV in my hand. At Jenna's birth, the nurses were looking at putting it in my foot!!! After I nearly passed out, 3 blown veins, 1 IV on a nerve in my hand and the entire bedsheets changed, because they had blood all over them, I finally got an IV!!! Sorry to all my squeamish readers, I usually hate giving horror stories. You have to understand my IV trials, to realize my nervousness about going through all over again.
I didn't have to wear the lovely hospital gown. They only ask me to take out my bobby pins and remove my jacket. As I locked my items into a locker, I realized my shirt was on backwards. A mommy moment in it's truest form. I ran to the restroom and turned it around.
I had explained to the tech, my past IV troubles. Hoping he would nominate some one more skilled if he felt incompetent. I think I only challenged him to get it right off. I am happy to say, he did an amazing job and it was awesome. No pain, first try! I guess he was showing off, I am glad of it too!
The nurse asked me, among all the other preliminary questions, if I was claustrophobic. Having never been in that type of situation, I said I wasn't sure but didn't think so. Well, when they moved me in to the tube, I felt a huge wave of fear and panic come over me. I couldn't move and felt like I couldn't breath. Here I go again, putting horror stories out for every one to read...
Anyway, I was trying to calm down when the nurse turned on some TERRIBLE, whiny, old country music for me to listen to. I do like country music, but not the old kind. It gives me a headache. I asked her to change it to christian music. From then on, I started counting songs. They said it would last around 33 minutes, I figured that would be about 10 songs. The machine made these loud sounds. I felt like I was inside an air compressor.
I took deep breaths when I started to feel really anxious. I have been on a huge Tetris kick. So I imagined playing Tetris and making all the pieces fit.
It was a weird feeling. I kept thinking of how it would feel to be buried alive. It's crazy, how my mind felt scared and at the same time, I was rationalizing the situation to myself.
At last my time was up and I was so grateful to be in the open again. A huge relief! A doctor was able to tell me the results right after my MRI, which I thought was really nice. He said I have a normal brain, shocking I know, and pituitary. All this is great, awesome, wonderful news!! God is so good!
I am so happy, at the same time a little confused. Everything seemed to make since for me to have a pituitary tumor. Not that I was wishing for one, but it would've explain all my symptoms. Now we are back to square one again.
The doctor who gave me the results was confused about my TSH. He thought my thyroid is under active because I told him my TSH is 0.010. He said it was really no big deal and a few years from now they will realize I had thyroiditis. I assume the man knows how to read a MRI report, but my faith in him ends there. I had to explain that 0.010 means my thyroid is producing to much thyroxine. He was puzzled and had no further advice for me, which no one does. I guess he felt a bit stupid and tried to cover for it by asking me how my Thanksgiving was and how many children I have. All irrelevant to why I was there!

I am very happy the results are so good. Now I am trying to prepare myself for possibly a gluten free diet. 3-4 months of a gluten free diet. It's worth a try, but I am not planning on starting anything that major until after the New Year. I see the NP later this week. I may have a CT scan on my adrenals next.

Now I am off to pump precious milk, only to throw it away. Sickening!


Jeff, Dana and Hayden said...

Miranda Glad the results were normal but I can imagine how you would just like a diagnose so that then you could get treatment to fix the underlying cause of your hyperthyroid. I completely understand all bout TSH, T3 and T4 and how people think becasue your TSH is low then you have hypothroid which is incorrect. Just be glad radiologist are experts in the field of reading images and not interpreting lab values. Hopefully you will get answers and relief soon. I started feeling anxious just reading about your ordeal in the MRI and I didn't think I was really claustraphobic either.
How long are you having to pump and dump. That is just miserable. I have been off the pump for 3 months now and although I miss the closeness with Hayden I don't miss my pump thats for sure. I have so much more free time now! Hang in there

Miranda said...

I have to pump for 48 hrs. Which is until tomorrow afternoon. Not too bad, but like you said it is a hassle. The time it takes to pump and then give Jenna a bottle is crazy! If I had to get the thyroid uptake scan I would have had to stop completely, so I thankful I didn't have to do that.
The NP is really helpful. I like her alot because she is consulting with several endo doctors. She is really trying to figure "me" out. So far no one has any solutions.
I am glad have some one trying to get to the root though. Thanks for your encouragement!! I love your comments!