Saturday, October 10, 2009

One week down

Well, my children came home yesterday, Jenna and I have made up. Joe, Bethany and Joseph have gone to a birthday party. Since Jenna woke up fussy from her nap I convinced Joe to let her stay home with me. She's been running a low grade fever and has a runny nose, I'm hoping it's just the common cold and nothing I've passed on.
My plan of action to take care of Jenna and get some rest while Joe is gone, is locking ourselves way in my bedroom. She has plenty to entertain herself, things like a thermometer, shaking a bottle of pills, eating animal crackers and yelling out the window every time a car passes by. {It's all safe, I promise.} She is a good little entertainer.
The running tally is in, flu a-negative, flu b-negative, mono-positive, strep-negative, and some kinda bacterial infection from my strep test-positive, so I'm on an antibiotic for that. My thyroid numbers have peaked plunged to their worst yet. Crazy numbers, might as well go all out and get it all fixed at once, however long that's gonna take.
My symptoms improved immensely and some have gone away completely. As the symptoms lighten, I am getting more and more exhausted and not liking this Mono thing very much.

Are you very good at being dependent? I'm realizing quickly that I am not. I don't like it, I'm a get-it-myself and do-it-myself kind of person, wife and mother. I'm having a hard time not getting my feelings hurt, because I have to ask for something rather than it being thoughtfully remembered without my asking. I'm having a hard time not feeling guilty when Joe is frustrated by all the demands and responsibilities that he has solely come to hold. Being dependent means being patient and understanding, holding my tongue and NOT BEING IN CONTROL.
Many times this week I have said under my breath, "In the future God, if one of us is going to be sick, let it be me, because I'm just better having his role and he's better having my role." {I'm sure he would rather it be that way too.} Earlier today Joe was frustrated about something he had to do, and I was frustrated that he couldn't just go do it without making me feel so bad. I thought, "I hate being so dependent, I am not very good at this. I guess God is trying to teach me to be more dependent on Joe when it's not just convenient for me."
Then I realized, I'm not very good at being dependent on God either. I live like I can take care of myself and I know what's best. I'm good at taking control of my life and making choices without even consulting God, because I think I know best.
John 15:4-7
Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.


Jayme said...

I am very good at being dependent, probably too good. I can do it on my own when I have to, like when Aaron deploys, but when he's here, I totally let him take over.

mummyof5monsters said...

Im glad you are getting to spend some time with your sweet babes:) I am thinking of you (still) and praying you get well soon, so you can enjoy being a mumma again!

Bonnie said...

Oh man, another aha moment for me reading your post. Thank you.

Your spirits seem up. I would be the same way..I have a lot of trouble being the dependent but deep down that is what I want when I'm laying in bed ill.

Cuddle up your kids and give your husband a squeeze that little bit will let him know he is appreciated...better yet, just tell him!

Myra said...

I'm praying for you! Hope you feel better soon!

Nate and Erin said...

Hey! I hope you're feeling better. Nate and I have been offline for a few days, so I'm just now catching up to the mono thing. I'm glad you have a sweet hubby and family to help you with all that's going on. I'd love to make you a meal or watch the kids for you, but since I can't know that we're both praying for you! Much love!