Tuesday, November 24, 2009

It's been a few days

Isaiah 55:3
Give ear and come to me; hear me, that your soul may live.

I've been here before, and before, and before. This place looks and feels familiar. I hate it, I despise it, I long to never be here again.

This place of wavering faith, shifting shadows of doubt, longing for hope, looking for answers, discouraged by unchanged circumstances, listening to whispering lies and sinking in a pit of deception.

I am learning, striving to turn this ship of feelings and emotions back. I'm going back to the Savior who calms the storms, who gives hope and healing. I'm believing that His love is the truest of all, that He can always be trusted, that He offers the only hope for all, and to me. Though I see and feel no answers or options, I will muster up my small faith and it will be enough.

I will call
and He will hear,
and He will listen,
and He will answer.
He will never fail me.

The past few days, I've been overwhelmed by the place this thyroid-mono road has led me. I have so far to go, to get back to where I was, not to mention where I want to be. Monday morning came and I called my NP to be seen. My appointment was discouraging, she didn't think that me still being so weak and tired is directly related to mono. Thankfully, she drew about 10 tubes of blood so we could find out what's going on with my thyroid levels in addition to many other possibilities. I left in the "depths of despair", {Anne Shirley~Anne of Green Gables}
The office called me this afternoon to ask if I'd missed any doses of my thyroid medicine. Apparently, my levels are so out of whack the lab called to alert them. The numbers are so ridiculous, we are all wondering if they can be right. It wasn't just one number but many things came back way off, so I am going back in a little while to have the labs redrawn.
I just want the problem identified, and then treat the problem, how can it be this hard, and take this long?
There are so many lessons in this place I find myself. Many times it's the same lesson over and over. I just have to keep holding to what the Word tells me and shutting up my mind. I'd been crazy long ago it wasn't for the Truth that remains not matter what else comes and goes.

Today I'm thankful for God's faithfulness. Even during this really-not-so-fun place, we are being blessed. God is revealing that He cares and He is here with us. Though the answers I seek aren't here yet, He is assuring me that He sees me, He is here with me.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hang in there Miranda, and never ever loose sight that God is in control and in His perfect timing it will all be resolved. I pray for you for God to give you strength and for him to heal your body from this mono you have. I also pray for your husband and your children, it is also hard on them to see mama sick. This too will pass...It will be ok, He promises. Lots of hugs~
Esther

Sidnie said...

Still sending you prayers, Miranda.
Just cling to your faith, and your children, and your husband! They will pull you through this.
Wishing you well. XOXO.

Barbie said...

Praying for wisdom and revelation for the doctors and COMPLETE and TOTAL healing. This is not too big for God! He loves you so!

Bonnie said...

We all fall back into the "depths of despair" every once in awhile. But your health is not right. You are taking action but things are just not falling into place. They will, keep praising God like you do, keep your face turned towards the sun and the shadows will be behind you.