Sunday, November 1, 2009

No words to describe my pitiful state

I. Need A. Hug.

{though I far from deserve one}

If you came by in hopes of finding one of my warm fuzzy post that lifts your spirits, or makes you laugh, this isn't that kinda post. If you desperately need something encouraging, run for your life! If however, you enjoy a good honest heart to heart, the good the bad and the ugly, trudge on at your own risk...

It's just going to be one great big pity party, nasty like.
I just finished shoving my kids into their beds all in tears, and I might have slammed a few doors in the process.
I'm not the same happy mommy, who couldn't wait to get my kids back home for good and love 'em to pieces. I'm a frazzled, tired, sick mommy that pretty much hates the world, especially whatever idiot {i-d-i-o-t} came up with daylight savings time. Hopefully you gained an extra hour of sleep last night, not me or anyone else with small children. We were all woken up an hour early this morning.

6:40 AM

I thought this day would NEVER end, and now that is has I'm more depressed than ever. I guess that's why I'm in such a lousy mood today, I'm depressed that I can't do more or be more than I am right now.

I'm ready to pull my matted hair out, and burn my frumpy clothes. I don't ever want to hear the word mono or thyroid again, especially not in the same sentence. I have been so sick today and not a moment of peace until now, which I'm really not liking because now I'm just left thinking what a horrible mother I am for screaming at my children who I've missed so badly. {gasp, taking a breath}

I'm afraid.
I'm afraid it's going to take longer for me to get better and I don't like to think about that. I failed miserably today at handling my three kids, and I hate not being able to live my life!
I'm sorry to projectile vomit all my putrid attitude onto you, but I couldn't hold it in and I have to be honest here.

I am not perfect, not close to perfect. I shouldn't even be allowed to use the word perfect.
In my conviction and in the spirit of my confessing, I just went to both my oldest and apologized for my wrongful outburst toward them. It's humbling to apologize to a 3 and 5 year old but they deserved it, and I need the humbling.
I'm so thankful for the forgiveness they both willingly and sweetly offered, I'm thankful for the forgiveness my Savior offers as well. His mercies are new every morning, and what an early morning it's gonna be tomorrow.


Kristen & Cliff said...

All moms have days like this Miranda, we just usually are not sick when they happen! Keep your head up and remember all the amazing and wonderful things you do for and with your kids. That is what they are going to remember. This was just a blip on the radar. God's mercies are new every morning

Sweats, Nikes, and No Make-up said...

I'm praying for you Miranda! You're still "super mom" in my eyes!!

mummyof5monsters said...

honey, you are an awesome muma! I am praying so hard for you to feel better sweetheart,*hugs*

~Mom~ said...

Jer. 33:6

Jeff, Dana and Hayden said...

miranda i think this is perfectly normal for you to feel all these emotions considering you have 3 small children, mono, hypotyhroidisim s/p thyroidectomy due to hyperthyroidism, trying to sale your house and the complete disruption of the normal routine. i can relate to time change as hayden woke up ready to start his day at 5:30. We will continue to pray for you and hope that with each passing day it gets better even if just a little bit.

Wendy said...

Every mom deserves a hug, especially a mom like you.


Keeping Up with The Joneses said...

Praying for strength and wellness for you! Thanks for sharing your heart and being real!