Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Still here

The days are starting to blend together, I find this a bit scary. I lay in bed trying to convince myself that I feel better than the day before, maybe I am, but I really don't know. I'm trying to do more, yet not too much. I think I'm to the point of being paranoid, that I might be well and just not know it. What if {dare I speak it out loud?} I've become a sloth that enjoys laying the bed all day, with no responsibility for three small children?
I keep telling myself these things aren't true, because I desperately want have my children home again very soon! I want to cook and clean. I want to go to the grocery and run errands. I want to be homeschooling and cleaning out my kids closets! I want to go on a train ride for Jophie's birthday this weekend. I want to go shopping for Christmas projects and be working on Christmas projects. All of this, is making me exhausted just typing about it!

Okay, so maybe I just answered my own fear, no I am not lazy, and yes I still have mono. Two fears really!

I'm having crazy dreams each night, all night. Frustrating dreams, like I'm lost and can't get to where I'm going. I'm trying to knit for my 18 children {yes, I watch the Duggars} and can't knit to save my life. I can't find something, get away from some one, or do things. I have a reoccurring dream several times a week, I will try to talk but have so much gum in my mouth that I can't speak and I can't spit it out because it's all stuck in my teeth and I feel like I'm going to choke.
I realize a theme from all these dreams, in them I am frustrated that I can't do something. Very true of my life right now.
On a more positive note...
The weather here is awesome. Last night the kids went outside and played in the yard. I sat out and watched them in my pj's and flip flops, it was a little cold, but I love being cold. I lasted about 15 minutes before I asked Bethany to go get my camera for me. Taking pictures makes me so happy and I'm glad I can still take pictures.

Pictures of rosy cheeks...
Of a toddler stooping to find something new...And loving being outside.
A part of me has always wanted to live in a beach house, maybe a part of everyone wants to live next to the ocean. But I am so thankful I live where there are 4 seasons! Most of all, I'm thankful for fall. This my 30 days of Thanks, don't forget to join me, it's never to late to be thankful!

4 comments:

Olivia said...

What a great idea! I'm so thankful for my little ones too!

{Kimber} said...

cute pics...
sorry to hear your having such a hard time..
I can't even begin to imagine how hard that must be to sit and feel so bleck!
feel better

CallanNMasonsMama said...

Nice pics.

Amanda Brady said...

That is so weird. I have a similar recurring dream about gum. I have so much in my mouth that is stuck that i am pulling strings and strings of it out, but there is so much I cannot get it all.