You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last.
It's been a week since I've published anything. A long week since I blogged last, the days are creeping slower and slower as this pregnancy nears the end. Creeping. I just keep trying to enjoy these last days rather than wish them away one by one, but I'm not gonna lie it's tough.
I've had something on my mind that I haven't been able to shake and when that happens, all else just gets muffled and lost. I definitely get blogger's block when I can't get one particular thing off my mind. It's been one of those things that I just don't even know how to express and I've really had to question why it's bothered me so.
I'm sure it's happened to you as well, some one says something and it really bothers you the more you think about it. Then you are bothered at yourself for not having said your peace in the moment. What's most shocking is I never expected to be shaken by a comment such as this. As a matter of fact last week, I read some one's blog post about worrying about what others thought of them and I was kinda like, "Pfff, you just need to get past that! If this is the life God has called you to, who cares what anyone else thinks!?!" And here I've found myself days later, wondering what happened to my confidence in the identity that God has carefully engraved on my heart.
It's been a few days, and I'm thankful for the whole experience because it's only caused me to search and see that I really do believe I am called to this life, my life. Uniquely, for no one's approval or pat on the back, other than the Lord's. And, it's helped me evaluate my response, or the lack there of, to people giving their opinions on my life, especially when unsolicited. I think that has been the majority of this struggle, wishing I'd taken up for myself. I didn't want to offend, or speak too quickly. Yet, in these kinds of situations, the person offering their infinite wisdom, are not worried about misleading, offending or speaking too quickly!
This week as I was wrestling with these issues and what God wanted me to take from them, I was driving on my way to meet up with a friend. The weather had been nasty earlier in the day, tornado warnings and cold rains, however that evening the sunset was beautiful and the orange sunlight radiated the colorful fall leaves. Then I saw, vaugly at first, a rainbow, which grew bigger and brighter the more I drove. As the rainbow grew larger, I just couldn't stop the huge amount of love I felt from God. I knew that He was telling me to trust Him always, He was reminding me of who He has created me to be. I was chosen to live this life and bear fruit. What an amazing thought!
promises us that.