Monday, March 12, 2012

Weekend Project: Mommy Guilt

I know every mom struggles with Mommy Guilt.  I wrestle with feelings of guilt more often than I'd like to admit, but I also think I do a good job of sorting out the justified guilt and the unjustified guilt.  Joe helps me ditch the unjustified guilt all the time and even the justified guilt he tells me is in error, because he's a really amazing husband!!  {I really don't know how I could ever do this life without him!}
So, what am I talking about?  Justified versus unjustified Mommy Guilt?  I think that some times there is justified guilt, like when I have guilt for wasting time online instead of doing other needed things with and for my kids.  Or like when I worry that my kids see me as a hypocrite because I lose my temper and yell at my husband when I tell them all the time not to fight and not to yell at each other, yeah painful.  This kind of guilt is good though because is causes me to do something to change my behavior or my focus.  It causes me to have self control with my online time, apologize to my kids for fighting with their daddy, to realize I need to work on something about my self or my parenting and do something differently.
Then there is unjustified Mommy Guilt, like feeling guilty for not accomplishing more in my day when I am doing my very best.  Or feeling guilty because my desk is piled high and has been for months, or feeling guilty that my kids wore their pajamas all day long, or that they only had one bath this week, or that my closets are a mess and my house is unorganized, or that Bethany and Joseph can't tie their shoes yet, or that I'm pregnant and unable to give the rest of my kids enough more energy, understand, the list can get very long.  That kind of guilt is unjustified, because I am doing so many other things that are more important, like teaching the Bethany how to multiply and Joseph how to read and Jenna how to count and Brady how to communicate, I am taking time to discipline them when needed and listen to them about silly things and important things.  No, my house isn't organized and currently we have way too much stuff that needs to go, but our home is clean and a safe place, and this is life, our life.  The days are full and busy and the kids are messy.  I am pregnant and not as productive as I'd like to be, but I am pregnant and the sacrifices we all make for these 9 months are so worth it.
One thing that wasn't on my full page to-do-before-the-baby-arrives-list, but I've had some guilt over is making Bethany a doll.  On Jenna's first birthday I made her a doll and ever since, very occasionally Bethany has asked me to make her a doll.  It's just never worked and with another baby on the way I felt like I needed to go ahead and make her a doll.  I also wanted to do something for her, for no reason, other than I love her and am so proud of her and am so thankful for all she does to help me.
 Bethany is a really amazing daughter, she has a very independent way and is mature for only being 7.  It's easy for me to expect alot from her and not really appreciate all of her efforts.  I have to be careful or I will overlook opportunities to verbally thank her, praise her or affectionately love her.  She needs encouragement and needs to be pursued but never really ask for what she needs.  Joe does a very good job focusing in on Bethany and making time to ask her questions and love on her.  He reminds me that we have to seek to fulfill her needs, she isn't a child that demands what she wants from us. 
For several months now, I have wanted to do something special to acknowledge her uniqueness and the gift she is to me.  I guess, I have had some justified guilt about how I need to show her how special she is and I needed to make her a doll as well.  The great thing about it is, I took time to do something about both of those things this weekend.
 I came across this photo and fell in love with the doll pattern that wasn't available on Etsy.  I emailed the seller but was too eager to wait for a response so I decided to free hand a pattern.  I am not good at this sort of thing and normally wouldn't even try it but I REALLY loved this doll.  In the end, the doll turned out bigger than I wanted and has obvious differences.  I still love the original doll better, although Bethany, after I showed her the picture, told me she liked her doll much better! :)  I also, realized via reading the info on the Etsy site that the seller has a website and I could've in fact bought it all along. :(  I will also pass on that there is a sale going on through today for 40% off all of Bit of Whimsy Dolls patterns making them $6.00!  I'm not getting anything for sharing this with you, I just think they have some of the cutest patterns I've ever seen.
And speaking of cutest things I've ever seen, is this girl!
I hope you're encouraged to sort through your Mommy Guilt.  If it's unjustified, let it go and don't worry that your parenting isn't like some one else's.  If it's justified, I hope you'll join me in doing something about it.


~Mom~ said...

WAY too CUTE! Both of them.
Smart Mama for making the time to do something special for her.
I wish you had been in my life before I parented. I am learning so much from you...
but then you would not be my daughter ... so scratch that.
Love you!

Sweats, Nikes, and No Make-up said...

Loved your post and am right there with you on the Mommy guilt thing. Awesome job on the doll - she is too cute (as is the special little girl holding her!). :)

Melissa Nicole said...

Your post makes me tear up, for many reasons. Some are private, and others because I can totally relate! You are such a sweet mama, and so very real to the world around you which is missing so much in Christians today. I love you for that Miranda. Blessings....and your children are just beautiful. Melissa

Miranda said...

I'm glad I'm YOUR daughter! You taught me so much and continue to inspire me to become a great mother. Love you too!

Miranda said...

Thank you for your sweet and encouraging comment Melissa. Miss you and your fam!!