Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Brady and Bethany

Brady has been sick almost a week. I took him to an Urgentcare last Thursday evening thinking he probably had strep like Jenna. They tested him and it came back negative, they said it was probably something viral so we kept thinking it would get better on it's own. He had been hoarse since then and a slight cough, but acting like he felt pretty good. Sunday he started sounding croupy and by this morning he was really wheezing.
I took him to the pediatrician this afternoon and they checked his oxygen saturation, it was in the high 80's low 90's, the highest being 94. The nurse was watching it and a police siren went past outside, Brady gasped a "What's that?!" kinda expression and it went to 97. The NP retested him for strep and it was positive this time and she felt like he has croup. She gave him an antibiotic for a sinus infection and steroid to help his lungs get over this.
He sounds pretty pitiful, rasping, wheezing and coughing. It gets worse the more active he becomes. He drags his blanket, Curious George and "Woof-woof" around.  Praying that no one else gets sick, especially Anne. Joseph has a sore throat but isn't too miserable today.
Bethany has been making and selling friendship bracelets. She came up with this plan all on her own, to raise money for BGMC, Boys and Girls Missionary Club. Honestly, I was nervous about her getting turned down and being crushed, but God blessed her efforts, He is faithful. She rode her bike down our street and sold them to the neighbor girls, again all on her own. She is excited to go around our neighborhood with us sometime and sell more.
She is growing, inside as quickly as the outside. She struggles. This morning she asked if we could talk and she shared and asked questions. Hard questions, like how to deal with people who hurt her, people in her life that she wants for a friend but they are unkind. It's difficult to explain, we teach her to be kind, to share, to treat others with respect, to be thoughtful...but then some one comes into her life that isn't taught the same, isn't corrected the same. And you watch her goodness be taken advantage, her kindness unreturned, watch her get hurt, feel rejected and turn insecure.
It's hard to hear her say she worries that she isn't like someone else, that she wants to be her own person but she doesn't know who she is. She wants to be more than she is, but she fails. It's painful to hear her question who she is and hear that she sees herself as not enough, because this is so not how I see her.
Today marked a new path for me in motherhood, not having all the answers. The path where listening is more important than talking, wiping tears is more important than stopping them, the path where I look into my daughters eyes and I see myself. Suddenly I know how painful it must be for God to see me hurting, knowing I see myself nothing as He sees me, knowing I have no clue how beautiful and loved I really am.
I've turned another corner, the one where you realize that your children need your prayers, prayers with them and for them behind closed doors. My daughter needs more than I can give her on my own.
When she sold those bracelets I was so very proud of her, so amazed at her determination, creativity and boldness. Her heart is beautiful, just like her freckle face. I am so blessed by her every single day, she helps me in big ways for a 7 year old. She thinks and learns in incredible ways. She challenges me to be more, she sets a great example for her siblings. She is special and I am so thankful that she is my daughter.

1 comment:

Wanting What I Have said...

So thankful for modern meds and hoping your little guy heals quickly. Loved reading about Bethany. I can relate on the parenting end of things. I'm so thankful God redeems and gives wisdom! Hope Y'all have a great rest of the week.