Thursday, August 29, 2013

A lesson for myself and a few highlights

John 3:30 He must increase, I must decrease.
School is chaotic but we are learning. I give out spelling words, while listening to multiplication tables, while working with someone on phonetic rules, while managing Brady with Playdoh and marshmallows. I am learning alot about myself, that once again I have more room to grow in loving these kids. I can be sharped tongued, I can be impatient, I can be irritable and I can be a mopey, martyr momma. I can allow myself to feel entitled, to make excuses for each of my poor behaviors but it's all inexcusable and not what I want to keep in my life. Sin is always excusable, isn't it?!
Each day is challenging and each morning I struggle again to refocus on who I want to honor. These years with little ones continue to grow me and reveal how much I need more of Jesus. I have been so wrong, so exasperated. It is not my kids fault if I have a bad attitude because they disobeyed me, it is not their fault if I am tired because I got up early to jump start the day and went to bed late to finish it up, and it is not their fault if I lose my patience because they made a mess on the floor at breakfast, lunch and supper
or left toothpaste on the bathroom sink
or pulled every last blanket out of the linen closet
or smeared poop all over the walls and carpet
or didn't take a nap and wrote on the sheets instead
or put on make up on themself and the carpet and the bedspread
or they ate all the grapes I bought for something other than them to have as a snack
or made themselves a pb&j sandwich and left sticky goo on every surface in the kitchen
or their clean clothes ended up under their beds
or they can't find their shoes that they left in the van for the 67th time
or left their toys in the yard to get eaten by the mower
or Brady dumps shampoo on Anne's head.
So many times I feel justified for my reactions because they should know better or should have thought about some one besides themselves, but I am wrong and this is something God is awakening me to within myself. I feel like my heart is being plowed up, deeply dug and I want to be a better example. Truly wanting to change doesn't suddenly transform or fix anything, I am praying for the Holy Spirit to help me as I continually try each day to recognize me sin, my ungratefulness.
I do not have it all together, I have not suddenly changed all my faults but I am thankful for the Lord revealing this area to me and I am praying for this work to continue.
A few highlights, worth remembering:
Sunday evening, we were standing in the church parking lot talking with some people on the sidewalk. I noticed people walking to their cars,  looking in our direction and smiling but I didn't think much of it. That happens alot when people see our small herd of children. Brady and Joseph were fighting but I wasn't paying any attention and trying to focus on the lady talking to me. Brady is always giving Joseph a hard time for trying to keep him and line and their squabble didn't have that urgent sound. Joseph finally got Joe's attention and we turned to see Brady with his pants around his knees. He was trying pee and Joseph wouldn't leave him alone long enough to let him.
Anne has 2 new teeth, making 3 on the bottom and one on the top. She has learned the word "up". Her vocabulary is still very small, but she will walk to her high chair and say "Up" ever so adamantly. Last night she woke up crying, I went to check on her and she popped up in her bed and yelled, "UP!"

After Joseph had his morning Bible time he came to find Bethany and said, "Sissy, I read 1 John 2 and it was really good, you should read it today." Bethany took his advice and immediately went to read it. Melted my heart!

I am so thankful for this time in my life, it is challenging but I know that God is using the struggles to draw me to Him and to grow me to be more like Him.
This post has been quickly thrown together but if I don't rush through it, it will never happen!


Angela said...

I haven't had a chance to read your blog in a long time but so glad I STAYED UP LATE to read it tonight! I have been in tears laughing at the picture of Anne and Brady's shampoo fest and picturing Brady standing on the church sidewalk trying to pee! Never a dull moment

Miranda said...

Oh Miranda, I can so relate. I know it had to have been a stressful moment, but the picture of Brady and Anne is PRICELESS. Someday they are going to get a great laugh out of it. I love reading your posts, they still encourage and uplift me,although we don't "know" each other, I think you are an awesome mama!