Thursday, September 12, 2013

10 Years

It seems so long ago and so like last week all at the same time. What a full time it has been and I am in awe that here I sit, having lived 10 years of marriage with my best friend. Incredibly blessed to be able to celebrate this day with him, I cannot even find words to convey how thankful I am for 10 whole years together. Amazing.
I love being married to this man, he is without a doubt the only one for me. What we have is good and sweet. People say that marriage is hard, rather I feel like life is hard. I am thankful for this man to climb the trying mountains and sit in the low valleys of this life with me. Equally, there is no one else I have wanted more to share the joys and talk with about this beautiful life we have been living.
Joe is loyal and strong. He is honest, so, so honest. He encourages me and believes in me, he runs along side of me, he lifts me up. I never dreamed the love that we had 10 years ago was just a small beginning. I thought that was the best, but it's only grown into a love so much better. A more genuine and thoughtful kind of love, a more selfless love.
We have grown together and yet we are still growing and learning and loving in new ways. Love remains when two people love each other and are willing to give more than they ever thought themselves capable. We've fought and yelled and screamed at each other but we never doubted our love. Sometimes it took days to work out our issues, sometimes we still keep fighting the same old fights and sometimes just the right word or glance will end our bickering into laughter.
Marriage is definitely a give and take, it brings up difficult situations that require sometimes surrender and sometimes sacrifice. I can confidently say that Joe and I have sacrificed in ways we never knew possible for each other and surrendered in areas we didn't know needed surrendering.
That is the beautiful thing about Christ in marriage, when we think we are unable to be more for our spouse He gives us the strength we need to meet their needs.
How many times I have had nothing left to give, no strength to go on for Joe but he needed me, or visa versa, and it is only by God's grace and strength that we see beyond ourselves, to give beyond ourselves for each other. We have five kids, I have had mono and years of thyroid fatigue, we are tired, we both struggle to meet each others needs because there is so little time and energy. The hardest time to meet each others needs is when we both feel like we have nothing left to give and just want to take care of ourselves. Only by turning to the Lord for help can we find the strength we need. The more we give of our self for the other, the more we become united as one.
Being married doesn't mean some one is there to fix all my problems and meet every single need. My spouse can't always make me feel better. Some times he can, that is the gift of having Joe in my life. I realized within days of being married that it's not a matter of how bad I want to be there for Joe and support him and love him, try as I might there are still times where we are helpless to be enough for each other. He can never be all that I need. And I can never be all that he needs.
Expecting my spouse to pursue me endlessly to try to help fix my problems is dangerous, first of all. Spouses will disappoint us and that can lead to bitterness and resentment and built up walls. Someone else was not created to fulfill our needs, so it is impossible. Only Christ knows how we feel and understands whatever place we find ourselves. Numerous times, continually, I find that my anger or my meltdown  is directly because I looked to Joe to fulfill needs that I should have sought God to meet.
It's not that we shouldn't seek to support, encourage and meet our spouses needs, because absolutely that is what marriage is all about and it is such a blessing. We should always pursue doing what we can for our spouse. Ultimately we have to remember though we are imperfect people who need a perfect Savior, only He can be every thing to us.
I am thankful for Joe's devotion to me, for the countless times he has chosen to love me and forgive me. He passionately pursues me and wows me with his overwhelming affection for me. I never knew a man could love me this much. Even still, the greatest lesson I continue to learn from marriage is no one can fill that giant whole in our hearts and make beauty out of our messes and heal our brokenness and comfort us in times of trouble or redeem our defiant disobedience and forgive our selfish, prideful, wayward souls like Jesus.
Oh, to have a heart like Christ! To trust Him fully! We have covered alot in 10 Years, the struggles of life have been intense at times, our days are busy, our nights are short but I am thankful that in the recent years we are learning to run to Jesus...together! This is our current area of growth and it's brought deeper joys than ever before. We have both grown by leaps and bounds, sought God and shared our relationship with Him, with each other, but to sit and pray or read His Word together, that has been a battleground of the enemy.
These first 10 have held more than I ever thought 10 years could hold. God has done great things in our hearts, He has blessed us beyond my wildest dreams. If anyone had told me I'd be in labor with our first child on our first anniversary, that when she was 5 months old I'd be expecting our first son, that postpartum after his birth I'd battle a thyroid disease for 3 years though my third pregnancy, that I'd have a "simple" surgery that had major setbacks including mono, that these years were going to be full of fatigue and sickness, insomnia in addition to sleepless nights with babies, that my pregnancies would be miserable, that after swearing to never have babies close together again, I would get pregnant in the middle of recovering from mono and thyroid disease and have 2 babies 16 months apart, that these diaper years would still be going strong, I would have said, "No way!" and possibly "No thank you!"
The flip side to all that is God has provided financially for our family in amazing ways, He has faithfully performed miracles. At times we prayed and looked for miracles and they didn't happen but He has used it all for our good. We have learned that whatever God has for us is better than anything we could want outside of His plan. We have discovered that living the life God created and called us to live is the only way to happiness and only contentment that can be found on this earth. Whatever He calls us to do is serious to Him and don't think for a moment that He will leave us high and dry because He always finishes what He starts. We've learned to lean on Him, to seek Him and to listen for His voice. We have learned that obedience to His calling, though scary is satisfying.
Those who look from the outside may label us and or pity us or judge us but thanks to Christ's work so much more goes on inside us. I know that this is such a small portion of the lessons and work to be done in our marriage and life together. I am unworthy. Completely overwhelmed that this life, with this man, is ours.
Happy 10 George! I love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!


Anonymous said...

Loved your pics and amaze me with your insight and faith and your ability to put it into words.thanks for sharing!Hope u have another special as the first.....PT

Mary Thomas said...

This was just beautiful! I am so glad I know you. Your love and faithfulness to Jesus and your husband is an inspiration always! Love you! Mary :)

Miranda Rose said...

I am glad I know you Mary, you inspire me!

Eleana said...

Such beautiful wondrous words Miranda! You have such a gift to take these moments and put them into such thoughtful and eloquent writing. I know the next 10 years and more for you will be just as amazing.

Eleana said...

Such beautiful wondrous words Miranda! You have such a gift to take these moments and put them into such thoughtful and eloquent writing. I know the next 10 years and more for you will be just as amazing.

BARBIE said...

Happy anniversary!