I'm growing Baby#7!! That's been my main priority the last 15 weeks and it's caused me to slow down and do the most important things, like resting and taking care of myself, along with throwing some food at Joe and the kids from time to time and doing major clean ups when a span of feeling good hits me. Oh, and school, Christmas break couldn't have came at a better time. Blogging and taking pictures of the everyday messes and beauty hasn't happened much, but getting through these days one by one is where I've been. I've felt yucky, I've already been doing my usual fight with blood sugars but thankfully this little one is growing healthy and well.
We waited until the end of the first trimester to tell anyone our news. There was alot going on in our lives and those around us and it just didn't feel like the right time. It was good motivation for me not dwell on feeling bad and keep up with things going on. Those closest to me had some suspicions but I kept it a secret. Having so many weeks behind me felt good when we finally told, like somehow the first trimester went faster than it really did.
I realized that I have been pregnant in all but 2 years of our 12 year marriage. We married in 2003, I was pregnant in 2003, 2004, 2005, 2007, 2008, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015 and 2016! Craziness! It makes my head hurt but I'm so grateful. It's amazing to me, I never would have thought I'd be pregnant that often, but God certainly plans better for us and changes our hearts in ways we can't imagine until we just live the life He calls us to live one day at a time. I can confidently say that I would never have made it to this point without the Lord's strength, He stretches me but He also fills me and does far more to see me through than I can take credit for. Me having 7 children is not a display of what a great mom I am, it's a complete testament to God's work in me and His grace constantly at work in my life.
Having this big family isn't something that Joe and I take lightly. It is giant steps of faith and obedience to a calling, constant overwhelmed hearts in our inabilities and lack of wisdom to parent and to meet the needs of these little ones and even so, we find ourselves entrusted with these 7 gifts.
People ask us questions all the time, questions I get tired of hearing and never really know how to answer in a passing conversation, whether a total stranger or close friend. And to be honest, sometimes I just want to punch people in the face for their rude opinions. How many more? What are we thinking? Don't we know what causes this? How will we provide for them? Are we crazy?
All I can say is, this is a great calling and I don't know what the future holds, I never have. This is a journey and even though it's scary and doesn't make sense to so many people, it is a great adventure! It is the best adventure and I am grateful, so grateful for each of these children. Each of them are so special and unique and truly priceless gifts. My heart could nearly burst with thankfulness and love, and some days my head because I've lost my temper again or I think I'm loosing my last bit of sanity.
I am confident in the faithfulness of the Lord to provide for them and for us all that we need to raise them up to be who He has created them to be. I doubt myself, others doubt us, but make no mistake, there is no doubting the Lord. His plan is perfect.
But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations.This life isn't really about any of us, it's about Him and His story. I am constantly aware of the fact that pregnancy is a miracle and not something to be taken for granted. I don't know why what happens so easily for us, is such a struggle for others. It's a hard question I wrestle with, it breaks my heart.
All I know is that life is too short to live in fear of what others think of me, of not being normal, of what may or may not happen. Life is too short to refuse to do what you know God wants you to do, and that looks different for each of us. I will add, not everyone who has a ton of kids has them for the same reason we do. Sometimes people forget that just like smaller families, there are different reasons for why people do what they do. Please don't stereotype us all together, we are all unique.
Asking questions about the timing of ones children (close together or far apart), the amount (more or less) or if it was an accident, are things that are personal and we need to stop asking questions like them. Many people will tell you this information openly, but if not, it's not your business. It's especially not appropriate to ask a total stranger in the check out line struggling to get her cart unloaded and just wanting to get out of the store before another meltdown happens. :)
Thanks for reading, I sat down tonight to catch up on our December and all this came out instead! :) I'll be back soon to share about our sweet Christmas, it was a good one.