Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Searching for rainbows

In George Matheson's famous hymn O Love That Will Not Let Me Go, there is a line that says, "I trace the rainbow through the rain".

I've been searching for rainbows, friends.

Sometimes rainbows stand out and demand our attention, bright and vibrant, they arch giant distances across the skies. Most of the time though, we have to look for them, squint our eyes and search through gray clouds. We may only see a tiny square, a thin line.

A few weeks ago, Brady and Anne were spraying the hose, washing Brady's wheelbarrow. Anne exclaimed, "LOOK Brady, a rainbow!" He very matter-of-factly said, "Yeah, sunshine and water make a rainbow, Anne." Sometimes you even have to make rainbows.

Gladden the soul of your servant, for to you O Lord, I lift up my soul. 
Psalm 86:4

I've been searching for rainbows lately.
Big rainbows, little rainbows, I don't care.
I don't need more rainbows,
I need to find them.
It's not for lack of rainbows,
it's simply the burden's,
this soul weariness I fight, hiding my reasons to be thankful like deep, dense clouds.

I can't control many things in my life.
I can't control others around me.
Not the world near me, the world outside me, the world around me. Sometimes the things that shouldn't effect my life because they are far away from me physically, do because they hit close to home emotionally. Brokenness and sin, fracture, rip apart and destroy not just the world, but my world.
I don't get to pick the storms that come.
I don't get to ration the rain.

I do get to search for the sunshine,
to go with the rain,
to make rainbows.
If you are like me and are also in a hard place of sorting and sifting though innumerable thoughts and emotions, I just need to remind us both to take ourselves to Jesus. Even when words escape us,
when we can't even explain our hearts,
when we don't know what we need,
take our burdened, hurt, soul-weary-selves to Jesus.

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. 
Romans 8:26-28

The responsibilities and demands of mothering and educating 7 kids, make my days very full of harried must do's and frazzled thoughts. It's challenging to make the time to linger, to search for rainbows, to take my broken heart to Jesus. I have found over and over and over again the faithfulness of the Lord to meet me wherever, whenever I make the time to ask for His healing. Whether 100 times a day or {sadly}once a week His love and mercy are abundant and I could not live this life without Him.

The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glories me... 
Psalm 50:23

Being grateful to the Lord has always been a favorite thing I love to do. Gratitude has become a kind friend of mine all throughout motherhood. This blog exist as an avenue of thanksgiving. During this season I'm in the midst of, it's felt harder. Not for lack of rainbows, but the clouds have been really heavy. I read the scripture above and it made me realize that sometimes thanksgiving is a sacrifice. It made me all the more eager to be that kind of woman, mom and wife. I want to glorify the Lord in my sacrifices of thanksgiving.

When we search for rainbows to give thanks, we will surely find them. I have seen them in the faces of my kids, in the cute way Laynee talks, in the bruised flowers picked by chubby hands, in a thank you note from my 10 year old, in baby giggles and sunlight, in gathered acorns and bright red berries, in my kids reciting poetry, in unloading an overflowing cart of groceries, in a breeze blowing through the window, in my kids gathered up at the end of the day reading aloud, in Joe's constant love for me, in fall leaves, in a pile of 30 books for 10 cents each, in Laynee learning how to fit the right shapes into their proper holes, in tire swings and dusty feet, in a daughter who complains about school yet chooses to read and write in her free time, in friends who text me to talk about the hard things in life and send me their sermon notes, who make me laugh, who lighten my weariness by saying, "Me too."

I make rainbows when I take the time to create memories and linger with my kids. When I spread a blanket and quiet my heart to hear my kids talk. When I delete my social media apps to turn down the voices drowning out His. By giving my burdens continually back to the One who knows what to do with them so that I can rest in His care for me, in His healing for my hurts and His plan for my life. Tomorrow I won't wake up to a world rid of hard realities, my heart clear of all it's dealing with but I will wake up in the loving care of a Savior, the Creator of rainbows. I lift up my soul daily.

Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. 
Psalm 143:8

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